This post may annoy many women, but I’ll write it anyway. Often, when I’m on social media platforms (except for LinkedIn), there’s always a woman somewhere aggressively dishing out content on how to deal with men and other related topics.
The other day, I came across a post where someone asked women to advise themselves, and 90% of the comments were about how to not care about a man, how to “decenter” men, how to make a man pay, how to make your own money so you won’t need a man, how to humble a man, and all sorts of unnecessary chatter. Many women have centered their lives around past hurts, refusing to heal and unaware that they are projecting themselves in a bad light.
This “decentering men” type of content has been gaining traction for years, and it’s becoming an issue. There are hundreds of thousands of posts across different social media platforms on how to decenter men, yet I don’t often come across posts from men teaching each other how to decenter women, doesn’t mean there isn’t but not in anyway close to what women dish out online. And that’s because, as a woman, you are not the central priority of most men’s lives. Men often focus on improving themselves, innovating, contributing to the world, and making meaningful impacts through their work, this is their primary purpose, which, in turn, naturally draws women to them.
Being overly concerned about decentering men who don’t even make women the center of their lives is obsessional behavior.
Have you ever stopped to reflect on what truly needs to be decentered in your life instead of men?
My sis, men are well aware of the good, the bad, and the ugly in my gender. They know how to have pleasant relationship with women and how to leave when the woman’s excesses become unbearable. They’re not obsessing over decentering us because they don’t deny their need for women. Ironically, women are the ones constantly chanting about not needing men, even though it’s untrue, that is why your bitter feminist will still marry a man and not a woman like themselves or settle for a plastic penis.
Instead of trying to decenter men, why not decenter your act of desperation? If you’re sensible enough to recognize red flags early and walk away without staying attached to toxic men or try to change them. You wouldn’t find yourself championing the mantra of “decentering men.” Most of the time, when you come online to talk about how a man treated you badly, you conveniently often leave out the acts of desperation you displayed in chasing or tolerating an ill-mannered man simply because you were desperate.
How about decentering your lack of self-respect and lack of decency you often display by offering your body to a man who clearly doesn’t value you? Sex is often just a sport to men, while for women, it’s emotional and tied to love. You meet a man who only appears desirable because of his pocket, or a man who clearly just want to have fun with no commitment, then you jump into bed with him hoping you’ll somehow change his mind, and when he ghosts you after you start to expect more than he bergained for, you start chanting “decenter men” online. What happened to keeping your legs closed until you fully understand a man’s intentions? Why try to manipulate him into staying with you by offering him easy sex?
Dont you also think it’s toime to decenter the habit of chasing men or shooting your shot? I’m a civilized woman living in a modern world, but I refuse to be modernized. I don’t care if you as a woman asked your man out and you both are now happily married with ten kids, you are the exception to the rules as there will always be. I would never advise any woman in my circle to pursue a man for a relationship. I’m too old-fashioned for that.
If you’re the kind of woman who wants to lead in your home or have a house husband, that’s understandable and you can go ahead. But for my ladies who desire a man to lead them in every way that a man should, never make the mistake of chasing and shooting your shot at a man. Some men might even encourage you to shoot your shot, but that’s often because they want easy, guaranteed available women. Once you’ve made the first move, it becomes harder to set boundaries later in the relationship, after all, you went for and pursued him, so why should he now invest effort.
Also, decenter the habit of neglecting your own personal growth. Work on yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally, as these factors greatly influence your dating experiences.
Finally, men are everywhere, my sister. They do the hardest jobs, build cities, and shape the world. This makes it impossible to truly “decenter” them. Instead, what you should do is adjust your boundaries and expectations to ensure you have healthier, more pleasant relationships with them.
Even the women encouraging you to “decenter men” have men in their lives who care for them.
Reevaluate your mindset and stop obsessing over men.
WOMEN ARE OBSESSED WITH MEN
BY OMOTADE MAKINWA
