Don’t try and be on any diet in Lagos and then go for any of these owambe parties. I am begging you!
See me, I was doing well on my diet plan and seeing small small results o. We then went to one of those Lagos lavish parties. Good crowd. Good venue. Very good music. Everything was bam!
As we sat they welcomed us with hot small chops; I mean real small chops with about ten or twelve rich items o from Saheeto. So I told myself “small chops o bad”. They followed with a choice of amala and ewedu (sans gbegiri for yours truly). Cow leg. Fresh fish. Orisirisi small small meat. I said welllll, amala isn’t fattening. Meat is protein!
Then came piping hot asaro aka yam pottage mixed with sweet potatoes, lavishly decorated with panla, assorted meat etc. I said what type of wahala is this? If I refused the celebrant would be upset. So I settled for what was supposed to be a small portion. I finished the whole plate sha; it was too good.
Then followed yam chips and grilled fish and I was by now upset and wanted to get up and leave instead of being tempted. The celebrant’s husband must have guessed. He came to sit near me and I angrily ate some of the stuff. And ọmọ, o dun bajẹ. I then assured myself this was it. No more.
As I was busy enjoying the music and sipping something, they brought these white covered porcelain. I was going to mọ loju when they opened the covers and the steam and aroma wafted to my poor nostrils. Real eja tutu and uncle Ben’s rice ni o. They didnt even ask if yours truly wanted. They just nicely placed it before me. I was both angry and upset. What type of devil’s work is this? But the eja tutu kept beckoning at me. Woo, i sha had some of it o. By now I was sporting what looked like a three month pregnancy, and binding the devil.
I think the devil now got angry that i was binding him. See what happened: they brought some amazing Hans & Renee desert. And i have serious sweet tooth o! Now I was sure Satan himself was leading the attack. But I told the lady I passed and didnt want any. The wicked girl took me seriously and was leaving with the tray. I called her back and asked if one could not joke with her ni? She placed a bowl of this wickedly delicious ice cream before me. Woo, I finished it. Before they could tempt me again I got up and all despondent left the party.
The weight loss programme resumes tomorrow. Mi o le wa ku. Ish!!!!
Some haters will ignore the devil and blame me instead.
